Your child is not your child. What do you
think of living the life your parents arranged for you? Some parents think it's
the best decision to pave the way for the future for their children t because
they've had had hard time in school or work before. Sometimes they think it's
right, but it's not, they might think it's the best life plan for their
children, but they don't know that it is actually a very heavy burden on their
children.
What kind of parents are your dream
parents? Gentle or strict? No one wants their parents to be strict, do they?
But for parents, their strict desire is to make us successful. When I was in elementary
school and junior high school, my parents were very strict with me, especially
in terms of grades. They want me to do well in academic, but sometimes when I
can't meet their expectations, they get very angry. Every time I face their
anger, it makes me very anxious and I don't know what to do. Over the long
term, it put a lot of pressure on me, and in the followed days, my grades
didn't get any better because of their anger, but rather, my grades got worse
and worse under that pressure. They always say that they're doing it for my own
good, but I find that it just put more pressure on me. I always wanted to be
encouraged or supported by them, but after I was scolded severely again and
again, I became timid and afraid to express my opinions. The more they want me
to be the kind of person they want me to be, the farther away I am from what
they think. And when they found out I was a failure, they immediately shifted
the pressure to my little sister. At this point, my sister's unhappy life began.
A lot of times we think the problem has
been solved, and we don't pay much attention to it, but it's actually been
lurking around us, waiting for the best time to fight back. Everyone is a
lonely individual, working in different places and in different fields. Sometimes,
they like to come together to comfort each other. I am good at everything, and I
can make myself to be the person that I want to be, but because of the
expectations of parents and social stereotypes, I can only become the one that I
do not want to become. A person is given too many labels, so much as to become
a heavy burden of their own pursuit of dreams. Why can't I be who I want to be?
In a family, if everyone sees only what
they want to see, they will never be happy. Marilyn became a mother early on,
but she never knew what she really wanted. Based on her expectations of her
life, she put all her expectations of her dreams on her daughter. She ignores
that her children need to be comforted and seen, and it finally caused this tragedy.
Although the ending seems to be very happy
and find their own destination, but in reality, really will be so? The damage
that has been done is hard to make up, and even if you exhaust all your
strength, you may not recover in a short time. Take Hannah, for example.。She already has a shadow in her heart, and no matter how much others
value her afterwards, all her habits and behaviors cannot be changed easily,
not to mention that she is more like a substitute for Lydia. To her, she is
doomed to be unhappy.
From your log, I can get a glimpse of how dark the dreams and pressures parents can give to their children are. How they give a sense of disappointment, low self-esteem, and shame to their children is very harmful and not helpful. I think they should give a sense of belonging, encouragement, and guidance. Those unhelpful parents are not uncommon in our society. One of my friends had it pretty bad. She's forced to be a doctor from a young age instead of a digital artist as she wanted to. She also needs to work part-time jobs here and there as her parents are not paying for her tuition fee. I really hope kids who grew up with the unimaginable burden from their parents can go against them in any way possible like how JK Rowling changed her major without her parents knowing.
ReplyDeleteHi Zoe!
ReplyDeleteFrom your blog, I can feel your powerlessness of the pressure from your parents. I know those pressure must let you lead an uncomfortable life, a life without your personal freedom and passion. However, from my perspective, since this kind of expectation from parents is inevitable; those who are open-minded are minority while those who still are conventional are majority. What we can do is to change those minority or let minority become the majority. And I think those who have ability to change their parents are the children themselves. For me, I might think why my parents would do that, why they want me to be successful, why they decide what I going to do. Find a way, and try to make up the gap between me and them. Just like what you said, “A lot of times we think the problem has been solved, and we don't pay much attention to it, but it's actually been lurking around us.” If we don’t pay attention to them, the problems will only get more and more serious. From you blog, I think you have your own thought, and I think you can change your parents’ perspectives. Also, hope you can find your own way where is not be expected by any others except for yourself.