Silent. Yes, silent. Have you ever bottled your feelings up and stayed silent? Yeah? Well, when I was younger, I never understand people who kept their feelings to themselves as I always stay true to my feelings and freely expressed my feelings. But as aging and adulting come knocking on the door, I slowly understand why we tend to hide our emotions and feelings and how it’s destructive.
Our main character here, Mr. Stevens, the butler of Darlington Hall, exhibits an intriguing example of keeping one’s feelings. Mr. Stevens’ beginning with Miss Kenton, the former head housekeeper of Darlington Hall, didn’t do well. Miss Kenton was the opposite of Mr. Stevens. She was warm, kindhearted, and vocal about her feelings and opinion. For instance, she brought flowers to Mr. Stevens room to ‘bright it up’, but it was rejected as Mr. Stevens called it a distraction. Well, both of them were surely known for their frequent disagreement with each other. Unfortunately, as time went by, their relationship remained static. Miss Kenton grew tired of Mr. Stevens inability to express his feelings and gave her hand on marriage to Mr. Benn.
Mr. Stevens tactic to keep his feelings to himself has become his very own enemy. He let what he adores slip through his hands. As a reader, I’m quite frustrated with what Mr. Stevens called ‘professional’. Despite all the opportunities he got, he’s hesitant and kept compressing his true intentions. Meanwhile, Miss Kenton makes decisions based on her own thoughts and beliefs. Mr. Stevens may think he cherished his ‘dignity’, but in reality, Miss Kenton displays more dignity and integrity than Mr. Stevens. Freelance journalist, Peter Beech, called this story ‘very English’, “It’s probably quite an English book – I can’t imagine readers in more gregarious nations will have much patience with a protagonist who takes four decades to fail to declare his feelings.”
Although it’s quite necessary for someone to express their feelings, it is unrealistic to wish for a world where hiding one’s feelings don’t exist. Compared to other parts of the world, I think this is particularly significant in Taiwan. I’ve met multiple amounts of people who jumped to other topics or beat around the bush when they’re conveying their intentions. Despite the fact that it’s quite inevitable as culture played a big part in it, let me give a reminder that suppressing feelings is not the way. If you hide your feelings and prevent communication, it will only intensify your emotions and more problems will come. Always remember to not lose your integrity and don’t ever become the second Mr. Stevens!
Hello, Nadine! I also agree with you that most Taiwanese people always beat around the bush when expressing. Actually, probably I am the one included sometimes. But in most cases, because I am afraid that what I intend to say might hurt someone else, I choose to say it in a way that gives advice or uses metaphor to convey my intention. So let’s imagine a situation. If I want to give others suggestions or my feelings toward what s/he has done, what could I do? Do I just say it directly? From my own perspective, sometimes, some people are actually unwilling to accept advice. They will consider that I offend her/him. Hence, the art of communication has actually been what I have learned for a long time. I continuously learn how to communicate with others. In addition, there is one thing that I can't deny, which is if I hide my feelings and prevent communication, it will only intensify my emotions and lead to more problems.
ReplyDeleteHello, Nadine.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I can't agree with you more about hiding one's emotions would lead to more harms to oneself. Affected by my family or the education I've received, I seldom speak out my opinions because I think only the one who has more intelligence or power can speak their thoughts out; this is why I seldom speak out in our class, I highly emphasize on evidence or example of one's argument, which make me consider he/she intelligent or convincing. As a result, I felt oppressed or upset sometimes when I could not express my thoughts. However, it doesn't mean that we're unable to express our thoughts or I would say sometimes this kind of person are waiting for the best moment to speak out their words (such as me). Even thought it would take me four years, I would still wait for the best moment; and that opinion must be the best, the clearest, and the most thoughtful. (That's just my personal belief, and maybe I affected by the culture to a certain extent.)